It’s a scene I witness all too often. A child walks (0) ACROSS the playground at the end of the school day to their parent. They’re met with a warm welcome, and then I hear the “M” word. It’s a word that sums up why so many schools struggle to manage bad behaviour: “mate”.
Nowadays, (1)
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many parents and teachers have a misguided belief that they are friends with schoolchildren. It’s driven by a well-intentioned desire to be liked by young people, or because they feel sympathetic towards them. But it’s confusing for students. In the same five-minute interaction in the playground I have seen parents talking to their children as equals, calling them mate and trying to be cool, only to turn (2)
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harsh but strangely ineffective disciplinarians, shouting at the same child. How can we expect children to navigate through this minefield, wondering whether they are dealing with the Jekyll or Hyde of an adult’s approach? It’s not only parents who are guilty of this approach. I’ve witnessed a head of year remove punishments from a poorly behaved child because she felt the child would respond better to friendship. The child simply took advantage of the confusion of roles and his behaviour deteriorated.
Disciplining children isn’t easy or fun. Many teacher training courses just don’t give enough guidance on (3)
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to manage behaviour and maintain a distance. And (4)
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some schools are great at establishing a culture of respect, others are more concerned with behaviour policy gimmicks that have little impact. Staff and parents who behave in this way are missing the point: teachers and parents are far more important than friends. Friends are often transient and inconsistent. Our roles are constant – to guide, educate and discipline the children in our care to ensure they are able to function well, develop their full potential and enrich society.
(5)
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clear boundaries for behaviour, children will naturally try their luck – a problem I have witnessed. After teaching for five years, I recently started supply work and I have walked into classes where children have addressed me as an equal or even inferior. The separation from pupils a teacher needs to ensure they hold a position of respect and leadership in the classroom is becoming blurred. Of course teachers should be approachable. But there are ways of maintaining a healthy separation (6)
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a member of staff while also being a caregiver who has the child’s welfare at the centre of their considerations.
On three occasions recently I have had to talk to the class I am teaching and explain that it would be a huge mistake for them to think I am their friend. I have emphasised how much I enjoy teaching them and how I respect them as learners, but I would be doing them a disservice if I were anything other than their teacher (7)
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job is to educate, encourage and maintain discipline.
We can tinker all we like with behaviour management policies but first we need to make sure we have the basics right. We care deeply about our students; we’re not their friends – and we should never hope a young person likes us.